STACY TRASANCOS: "INFERTILITY CAN BE A GIFT"
Stacy Trasancos has a new book out IVF Is Not The Way, and she dedicated it to her aunt and uncle. Her aunt became infertile after she lost her first and only biological child; when the dead baby was being removed she suffered medical complications which meant she never conceived again. She went on, however, to adopt 2 children and to foster over 100, which meant that she and her husband transformed lives, healed children from broken and dysfunctional homes, and they became happy, healthy adults who went onto have their own children and have thriving families. Stacy shared on Jackie and Bobby Angel's podcast that her aunt and uncle were celebrated regularly by the ones they had fostered. Had her aunt been able to bear her own children, then they'd never have fostered.
In her book, Stacy covers topics that I can't bring myself to discuss among my Millennial friends who are in the 30s and determined to go the IVF route if they can't conceive naturally. I feel their pain; it was excruciatingly hard for me to accept that I'll probably remain childless, and so I do not title a post like this lightly, but I think the only way forward for me who has accepted it, and for my peers who have not, is to embrace it as gift. This is pertinent for people who are pro-IVF, too, because many are the numbers who go through "IVF cycles" and yet remain with no babe in arms. Rather than hate their fate, they could take inspiration from Stacy's aunt and uncle. I augur that her book will actually be surprisingly popular with people who have failed to conceive using IVF, wasted long years and purses of money, and they may give it to other couples who are thinking of going down the same road.
I am very moved and heartened by this conversation. About 18 years ago, we were urged to undergo IVF as our only means of conceiving. As much as we desperately wanted our own child, we chose to disregard the physicians and friends who urged us to move forward. Instead, we adopted a 9 year old with mental health issues and mild developmental disabilities. It forced me off my career path and ongoing ego death after receiving a master's degree from U of Chicago and climbing the corporate ladder. Our dsughter has so much trauma that she has kept me on my knees and close to God. Had we conceived, I never, ever would have considered this path. I am just too selfish. And what would have become of my daughter? She has required such intensive interventions that I'm not sure she would have survived. She was in the foster care system and had 10 different placements when we met her. Thank you for encouraging parents who have chosen this path. Our reward is from the Lord but it means a great deal to be seen and heard. Blessings!
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